Herpes and Depression

Does herpes cause depression? Diagnosis of herpes can result in feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, and embarrassment. Research suggests there may be a link between herpes and depression.

A 2018 study published in Psychiatry Research found that people with HSV-2 (the most common cause of genital herpes) were more commonly prescribed antidepressants than people with HSV-1 or hepatitis A. A 2020 study found that there was also an association between herpes and depression.

• Poor coping skills
• Isolation and a lack of social support
• Alcohol or drug use
• Secrecy
• A stressful lifestyle
• Insufficient treatment

Some people with herpes are more prone to depression than others. The public awareness and openness against sexual health is still at an early stage and the incomplete medical understanding of herpes virus further adds to the tumultuous negative effect of social stigma.

Navigating life with herpes undeniably comes with both physical and emotional hurdles. Acknowledging the initial impact of a herpes diagnosis on well-being is crucial.

However, it's crucial to recognize that the perception of "bad" varies from person to person.

While it's true that herpes is a lifelong condition, the severity of symptoms and their impact on one's life can differ widely.

Many individuals with herpes lead fulfilling and satisfying lives, maintaining healthy relationships, and pursuing their dreams.

Emotional distress

What are the main types of thinking that cause the most emotional distress? The specific categories of problem thinking are listed below, with examples of destructive thoughts, along with a more constructive alternative.

Destructive thought: I am a less worthwhile person since I have genital herpes.

This type of thinking causes problems because it involves identifying with one's herpes - "I am my herpes."

Constructive alternative:

My worth as a person is not affected by having herpes. I am a person with hundreds of different characteristics, some positive and some negative. Herpes is only one characteristic, not all of me.

At times, particularly during outbreaks, you may like yourself less, feel like you are less desirable, less attractive. The herpes seems to dominate your thoughts, and you find it hard to remember what your attributes are.

But they're there; just keep reminding yourself about them. No, you aren't perfect, but you weren't before you had herpes either. People are drawn to you or move away from you for a variety of reasons; herpes is only one of many.

Having herpes will challenge you to build on your strengths, and encourage you to look honestly at your shortcomings.

Destructive thought: I will never find anyone who will want to be sexual with me, because I have herpes.

This belief (rather like fortune telling), generalizes from the present to the entire future, with no evidence to support the conclusion.

Constructive alternative: Where is the proof that I will never have sexual, long-term relationships?

Some people may not want to take the risk of getting herpes, but there are most likely people who will, especially if the relationship is a good one.

When some people are first diagnosed as having herpes, they swear they will never have sex again, that the risk of being rejected by someone is simply too great to bear.

This kind of thought implies that there is no way you could stand it if you were rejected. What about a life alone? Wouldn't that, in the long run, be very hard to stand (if you would have preferred to be with someone)? How would it feel to be 85, alone, and have to look back and say, "Well, at least I didn't give anyone small blisters on their penis/labia?"

The reality is that once you begin having sex in your life, it is very hard to simply stop being sexual. The frustrations and emotional conflict that arise as a result of trying to become celibate due to herpes may be worse than having herpes. It is important to remember that the fears about transmitting herpes will ease with time, and a realistic plan to prevent transmission will replace the fears.

Destructive thought: Let's say I am honest with a sexual partner, and they are willing to have sex with me, even with the herpes presenting a small risk. I would be a terrible person, totally responsible for ruining their life, if they got herpes from me.

This belief is an example of over responsibility for another person's right to make choices. It also assumes that herpes would be devastating to them.

Constructive alternative: A full life involves risk taking. While I would be deeply disappointed and sorry if an informed sexual partner contracted herpes from me, it would not be all my fault. Other people have the right to make their own choices and take risks. It doesn't have to devastate their lives.

Transmitting herpes is only one risk that you will take in a relationship. You also risk losing someone to an incompatibility in personalities, risk that you will grow apart over time, and risk that issues like money, children, and sex will present irresolvable problems. The list is long, and herpes is only one item on the list.

You CAN STILL LEAD HAPPY LIVES

Depression is a disease. You can't wish it away or pretend that it isn't there. Whatever the cause, you can benefit from treatment. This may include counseling, medications, or self-help therapies. The first step is recognizing that there is a problem.

Here are some things you should do if you have difficulty coping with your herpes diagnosis:

• Recognize the signs of depression: These include persistent feelings of sadness or a loss of interest in things you otherwise enjoy. There may be changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily behavior, or self-esteem.
• Seek treatment: If you are experiencing signs of depression, seek medical help. The mainstay of treatment is usually medications (such as antidepressants), talk therapy (including cognitive behavioral therapy), or both.
• Build a support network: Isolation fuels depression and makes the symptoms worse. If you are unable or reluctant to reach out to friends or family, ask your healthcare provider about in-person or online support groups.
• Deal with substance abuse: This may include joining groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, or getting help through an alcohol/substance treatment center.

Counseling

We highly recommend seeking counseling and, if necessary, exploring medication options to help shift away from the toxic mindset you're currently experiencing. Remember, your life is just beginning, and it's crucial to engage with a therapist who can assist you in overcoming these challenges.

Instead of placing your value solely on a health condition, concentrate on the qualities that define you as an individual. Letting a common virus dictate your identity is not accurate. Your true essence lies in your kindness, friendliness, trustworthiness, and sense of humor. Evaluate yourself based on being a compassionate friend and a good person, rather than fixating on a specific health issue. It's just one facet of your identity, not the entirety.

Be willing to communicate

If you have recently been diagnosed with herpes or you have lived with herpes in isolation for a while, joining a herpes support group can help to ease the stress of living with the condition.

Engage with communities or support groups where individuals share your experiences with herpes. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and support you can reinforce the notion that having herpes does not define your entire identity.

In a herpes support group, you will meet other people who share your experiences about living with the condition. A herpes support group is a safe space where you can share your concerns, worries, and experiences to create a mutually beneficial environment for all members.

Regain some confidence by dating other people with herpes

You can try dating sites for people with herpes, that might help to regain some confidence. Dating others who also have herpes can contribute to regaining confidence for several reasons:

• Increased Confidence: Knowing that you are not alone in your experience can boost your confidence. Being in a relationship where both partners share a common challenge can create a sense of solidarity and strength.
• Shared Understanding: When you date someone who also has herpes, there's an immediate shared understanding of the condition. This can reduce the fear of judgment or rejection, fostering a sense of empathy and support between partners.
• Reduced Stigma: Dating within the herpes-positive community can help break down the stigma associated with the condition. Being part of a supportive community can empower individuals to embrace their identity beyond their health status.
• Empowerment Through Support: Building connections with others who have herpes can provide a support system. This support can be empowering, helping individuals regain confidence in their ability to navigate relationships and overcome challenges together.
• Open Communication: Both individuals can openly discuss their experiences with herpes without fear of stigma. This open communication can lead to a deeper connection and increased comfort in discussing health concerns.

Dating within the herpes-positive community is one option, but it's crucial to prioritize open communication, consent, and mutual respect in any relationship.

Herpes does not define a person

Believing that herpes does not define a person involves adopting a holistic perspective on one's identity and recognizing that a medical condition is just one aspect of a multifaceted individual.

Take time to reflect on your own values, qualities, and accomplishments. Consider the various roles you play in life, such as friend, family member, colleague, or hobbyist. Realize that herpes is only a small part of your overall identity.

Understand that everyone faces health challenges, and having a medical condition does not diminish your worth or define who you are. Normalize the idea that health conditions are just one aspect of the human experience.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Understand that nobody is defined solely by their health status, and embracing self-love contributes to a more resilient self-perception.