What is dating like for those with genital herpes?
Dating can be a complex and often challenging journey for many, but for those living with genital herpes, it adds an additional layer of complexity.
While it can be a sensitive and stigmatized topic, understanding how individuals with genital herpes navigate the dating scene is crucial for fostering open communication and dispelling misconceptions.
I still have hope but it gets crushed every time
I wish it was that easy for me. I've been rejected immediately. The ten years I've had it, there were 2 guys that actually accepted me for being a carrier. It's hard, depressing, and very lonely. I just tend to close myself off and consider the possibility that I just may be single for the rest of my life.
It's rare (at least to me) to meet someone as open as you are to the possibility of still wanting to be in a relationship with her. I still have hope but it gets crushed every time I meet someone who's interested I'm me. I know I'm late and no one will probably ever read this, but I have no one else I feel I can talk to about this and I needed to get it off my chest.
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I had many positive dating experiences
I (F25) have had it for 6 years now and have had many positive dating experiences. I think the key is being open and honest about it. Tell them everything you know (the 1% thing definitely helps) and encourage them to research it themselves.
Tell them about your experiences thus far (for me I've been in two long term relationships and never given it to anyone - so I mention that). I then finish up by telling them I wanted them to know because I wish I would have known and feel it's important for them to.
Often times people have a huge misunderstanding about it and when they realize it's actually not a big deal they don't care! I think just being as open and honest about it as you can will get you a long way!
Btw it never gets less nervewracking to tell someone you're starting to date, but it's a great feeling to know the person you're dating is open and accepting.
They are happy and healthy in spite of the stigma
Just be honest. If you're interested in someone, and that interest is mutual, this generally isn't a deal breaker for mature adults.
67% of the population has HSV-1 (oral) and 13% have HSV-2 (genital).
With availability of antiviral medications and the research on healthy diets and stress relief techniques, both are very manageable. Flare-up after first outbreak occurrence is very rare with treatment and a healthy lifestyle.
I have known many married people with either form... and they are happy and healthy in spite of the stigma that surrounds STIs. Most have never infected their partners.
Don't worry, you will still get laid.
I was diagnosed with it when I was 15 years old, after being sexually assaulted. I was mortified and it took a little while to get over the stress of it. I only broke out one time after the initial outbreak, and it was that same summer.
I am now 25, and have not had an outbreak in 10 years, never passed it to anyone, and never been turned down due to telling someone about it.
The stigma is rough, but it sounds like you have worked through it in a healthy way. Don't worry, you will still get laid.
The stigma is generally much worse than the virus
I contracted GHSV2 earlier this year. I’m much older than you (48F) but I’ve known many people (friends and colleagues) over the years who have had GHSV. The stigma is generally much worse than the virus although there are exceptions. Obviously the stigma is that someone is promiscuous or careless. I’ve known people who got it from the only person they have ever been with or from the 2nd person they were with.
“Body count” is not the key factor in this. Honest answer? Sure. Some people will care that you have GHSV and won’t date you. Just like some people won’t date people who have kids, been divorced, are under a certain height, drink, live with their parents, don’t have a car, have hpv, has had cancer, etc..
If someone doesn’t want to date me because I have herpes, I completely understand. However, many people won’t care that I do. If someone doesn’t want to date you because of it, they aren’t wrong….they just aren’t the person for you nor you for them.
True story. Shortly after I found out in March, I met a guy I clicked with. It was like “woah.” He was visiting family from out of state and was looking to relocate. We went out 3 times and kissed on the 3rd date. Right before he left to go back to the west coast, he said, “all he was looking for was a cool girlfriend without herpes.”
Keep in mind I had not told him yet (there was no need as we were nowhere close to being intimate as he was leaving). Great guy. Just not my guy :-)
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Don't let it effect who you want to date
As someone who is also HSV+ I Know it's overwhelming at first outbreak, but in my experience my dating life hasn't really suffered. I move slower with people and I'm always 100% upfront with my diagnosis after getting to know someone, and before any sexual contact.
After I was diagnosed I've only ever dated people that didn't have it. People can be a lot more accepting of it then you might think. Though that also depends on the quality of that person.
All I would say is don't let it effect who you want to date and be honest with them from the start. Go on one or two dates to feel it out then ask them how they feel about it. You got this.
If you find the right person, it won't make a difference to them
I was diagnosed with hsv2 in June of 2013. My partner at the time basically implied that I was stuck with him forever now and that no one would want me because I had it... So I stayed in a miserable relationship for the next few years... Finally I left him because I figured I would be better off alone than with him...
I decided to try to date again, started with online talking to begin with. I was terrified to tell people that I had it. I had started talking to a guy I really liked and we were about to meet to go on our first date after talking for a few months, I decided to tell him I had Herpes. He basically told me he wanted nothing to do with me after that and to not contact him anymore...
It was heartbreaking because I felt like my ex was right. It happened a few more times after that, and it hurt every time.... So I decided to start telling the people I was talking to within a few days of talking before I could get too attached and get my heart broken. It definitely helped. The way I saw it, if they didn't want to be with me after finding out, they weren't worth it. And I wasn't wasting my time on something that wouldn't go anywhere.
Finally I met a guy who didn't care about it. We obviously are careful. And we do what we can to prevent him from getting it. But we've been together for years and are engaged and I couldn't be happier. If you find the right person, it won't make a difference to them. They will love you no matter what.
You can't let herpes keep you from having a normal life. Your just going to have to accept that it's just something about you that a partner has to accept. Don't judge yourself or hide from your life. Think of it this way when you're with someone that can accept you as you are you know they are more sincere and serious about you.
The disclosure can be a show-stopper
The disclosure can be a show-stopper / vibe-killer, and it feels awful when it is. I keep hoping to have ‘the talk’ and have somebody reply, “Wait, really? Me too!”
As a woman, you might do well on online herpes dating site like Positive Singles, I looked at it and see enough interesting people and pay for full membership.
But really, meet people the way you would anyway - through friends, at parties, in bookstores, whatever. Aim to find friends first, and dates may well follow
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